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Enjoy the Moment
by
Paula Snowsill, Dating Coach
Ladies,
there is one thing at which men are much better than us, and that is
enjoying a relationship for what it is at any given moment.
They
don't need to identify, quantify, define, or otherwise label things.
They
remain enjoying whatever it is you're doing at any given point in
time.
I
learned this fine art of enjoying the moment from a very special man
friend after I had engaged in many neurotic and meaningless attempts
to define our relationship.
In
addition to labeling everything, I also always insisted on knowing
what the "next" was going to be – when we were next going
to get together, what we were going to do, and so on.
Beware
the Obsessive Compulsive Mode
Please
don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with looking forward to
your next meeting with a special gent.
But
what is damaging is when you get into the obsessive compulsive mode
about it, which let's be honest, many of us do.
For
me and my friend it went something like this.
One
evening I engaged us in my monthly friendship discussion, turning
both of us inside out nailing what we were:
Friends?
Lovers?
Exclusive?
Committed?
Indeed,
there we were, candles glowing, fine wine, good food – all in front
of us at that very moment, and there I was, obsessively focused on
trying to define something that really defied defining.
My
"person" (we DID agree on this term) threw his hands up in
the air, and said, "Maybe if you stopped trying to quantify
everything and let it be, I could relax and who knows what will
happen?"
For
some reason his words struck home.
I
stopped dead in my tracks, and simply, meekly, said "Okay."
Quit
Forcing and Start Focusing: On YOU
But
inside I was awash with thoughts and realizations.
Back
off, I thought.
Quit
forcing things.
Focus
on your own stuff.
I began
to get excited about a writing project I'd held on the back burner
for many months.
I
began to feel good about myself as a writer, a runner, a horsewoman,
and a dog rescuer rather than focusing all my identity on being my
friend's person.
What
a cataclysmic shift I had inside; what an amazing change there was in
our friendship.
Suddenly
I let go of everything.
I
quit wearing makeup all the time when we were together;
I
stopped worrying if I gained an extra pound or two;
I
said no sometimes when he asked me to get together – only because I
had plans, not to play games; and I had my hair cut the way I wanted,
not the way he liked it.
I
felt fantastic!
I
suddenly felt like I was back in control of my life.
I
was doing things I enjoyed.
I
reclaimed my lost identity.
I
felt happy, calm, and confident.
The
Cataclysmic Change
And
you know what?
Things
changed drastically.
Instead
of his daily ration of contacting me just once a day, now he called
two and three times.
In
addition, he suddenly wanted to see me almost daily – even if for
just a cup of coffee or a quick kiss on the doorstep when he dropped
something off at my house.
When
we were together, my neurotic need to define was gone, because now I
knew that I was cool on my own, with myself, and that I didn't need
him to tell me who I was or what we were.
We
soared.
We
had fun.
We
actually pitched a tent in the living room in the middle of January,
complete with flashlights, for a campout.
And of
course there was the clambake replete with palm trees (they sell them
in Wal-Mart every January), Bob Marley music, and William Asher,
Annette Funicello, and Frankie Avalon in "Beach Blanket Bingo."
So,
the point of this little story is to lighten up.
Relax.
Forget
trying to force him to define things.
Define
yourself instead.
And
for goodness sake – HAVE FUN!!!!
About
the author:
This
article is one of Dating Coach Paula Snowsill, she is an experienced
adviser
for women, that seek solutions to their Dating woes.
Paula
runs a Blog under the name of
Paula Snowsill
My name is Paula snowsill an author.
View all articles by Paula Snowsill
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15th Primetime Emmy Awards $56.4 New - Please note that the content of this book primarily consists of articles available from Wikipedia or other free sources online. The 15th Emmy Awards, later known as the 15th Primetime Emmy Awards, were handed out in May 1963. The ceremony was hosted by Annette Funicello and Don Knotts. Winners are listed in bold and series' networks are in parentheses. An Emmy Award, often referred to simply as the Emmy, is an American television production award, similar in nature to the Peabody Awards bu |
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15th Primetime Emmy Awards $56.4 Used - Please note that the content of this book primarily consists of articles available from Wikipedia or other free sources online. The 15th Emmy Awards, later known as the 15th Primetime Emmy Awards, were handed out in May 1963. The ceremony was hosted by Annette Funicello and Don Knotts. Winners are listed in bold and series' networks are in parentheses. An Emmy Award, often referred to simply as the Emmy, is an American television production award, similar in nature to the Peabody Awards b |